it’s always sunny in philadelphia

I once had a job opportunity that put all other job opportunities to shame.  It was THE JOB at THE COMPANY and would have defined my career.  It included far off places, seeking out the unseen, and plenty of photo shoots in exotic locations.  The only (and major) downside was the fact the job was across the country, far away in a city I had never wanted to live in – nor did my husband or son.  It was the first time I truly understood picking life over career.  I wish I could say I haven’t looked back since, but that would be far from true.  For a solid year (ok, maybe 2) after the decision to stay put, I thought about it non-stop.  I would get a catalog in the mail and have a sudden rush of images and mini-movies in my mind about the life that could have been, the life that ran parallel to my reality.  And it left me feeling unsettled in my real job.  Then my husband said one sentence that forever changed the way I view my work.

“You are more important than your job.”

I remember telling my co-workers about what my husband had said the day after it happened.  By the end of the week, a handful of them had turned that sentence into wall art.  Soon it was posted on Instagram, hung in cubicles, and used as desktop backgrounds.  It struck a cord with so many smart, clever women that I worked with.  It’s a reminder we all need from time to time.  A gentle nudge in the right direction.

It is now two years and here I am looking for a job across the country in a place I never thought I would live in again.  For the first time in my career, I am looking for a job out of necessity and not out of curiosity or wanting something more – and boy, is it tough out there.  After flying home from an interview recently, I cried most of the car ride home after my husband picked my up at the airport.  Not because anything was wrong – the interview was great, the people were incredible, and I feel supported in ways I never thought possible.  But.  I am tired.  Exhausted.  Stressed.  Done networking/calling/sending/emailing/researching – all of it.

It was on this car ride that I told my husband to tell me it was going to be ok.  To tell me that I am hireable, that I will find THE JOB at THE COMPANY, that I will not have to go through this slow torture any longer.  After a much longer-than-needed silence he said, “I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be ok because it IS ok.  It is ok right now.”

It is ok right now.

So.  Here I am on the eve of a phone call for a job I am excited about at a company that is truly making the world a better place (and in a fashion forward way!).  I either get the job or I don’t.  Simple as that.  And you know what doesn’t change regardless of their verdict on hiring me?  It is ok RIGHT NOW.  I have everything I need.  I am loved and I am loving.  And I will continue to walk in faith (even if I need to be nudged in the right direction from time to time).

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